The Pull of Two Places: Are You a Topophile, a Tropophile, or A Happy Blend?
You Don't Have to Choose Between Home and Adventure
You know that feeling when you're scrolling through social media, seeing other people's amazing travel photos, and suddenly questioning whether you're living life "right"? The unspoken message seems clear: to truly live, you must travel more. Yet for many of us, there's an equally strong but quieter yearning: the deep comfort and contentment of home.
I admit I’m often torn: should I plan my next adventure or just enjoy a quiet afternoon in my backyard? Maybe you feel this, too. What if we could honour both parts of ourselves: the adventurer and the homebody, and let go of the FOMO either way?
Learning What "Home" Really Means
I didn’t always understand what “home” meant to me until my husband and I made a bold move: we sold our family house and bought a fixer-upper. Over two years, we stripped it down to the studs and built it back up, doing almost everything ourselves within a reasonable budget. The result isn't flashy—yes, there's plenty of IKEA—but it reflects what we care about. It’s a place to connect with friends and family on the patio, a kitchen where we cook together, a space to make music, and walls to hang treasures from our travels.
This process taught me something important about myself. Growing up, we moved every few years, so I learned not to get too attached to specific places or things. I’m not deeply attached to any one home, since I’ve learned I can love another place, too. Renovating this house taught me something else. What draws me in is the act of creating a home that feels like me.
The Freedom of Not Choosing Sides
When I'm travelling, I don't pine for my bed or get homesick. I love being in the moment and engaged in my travel adventure, but I never imagine not coming home.
When I'm at home, I genuinely enjoy it. Admittedly, I enjoy home most when I have a trip coming up, but I’m not pining to be somewhere else.
This might sound well-adjusted, but it took work to get here. I realized my homebody side was making my inner adventurer feel guilty for not being satisfied or being irresponsible, while my adventurer was making my homebody feel like I was abandoning my dreams. In a way, I was travel-shaming myself—and I see people doing this to each other all the time.
The Shame Game Goes Both Ways
Recently, I bumped into a former colleague who essentially shamed me for not travelling six months of the year like he was. I'm glad he's happy, but I felt like he thought I wasn't living up to my potential because my life didn't look like his.
Then there's an acquaintance who makes me uncomfortable whenever I share my travel stories as though I’m boasting. Her usual comment is that we live in the most beautiful part of the world and there's no real need to go anywhere else.
Travel shaming goes both ways: travel more, travel less. Why aren't you happy? Why are you so content?
Understanding Your Natural Inclinations
I started wondering if there was a deeper reason behind these conflicting urges. I came across a research article that explores the relationship between people and place. That’s when I discovered two concepts - topophilia and tropophilia - that made sense of it all. These terms might just help you create a life that feels authentic to you - whether planning your next trip, perfectly content puttering around your kitchen on a Sunday morning, or enjoying a blend of both.
Understanding these natural tendencies isn't about limiting yourself or making excuses. It's about recognizing that there's no single "right" way to live a fulfilling life. Some people thrive on constant change and new experiences. Others find deep satisfaction in cultivating a sense of place and familiarity. And many of us need both, just in different measures and at different times.
The key is honouring whatever combination feels true to you, without apology and without shame.
I bet you can name a few friends who haven’t left your region in years. And I bet you can also name a few friends who are booking their next trip before they’ve unpacked from their current one.
Topophilia
Topophile - Roots
You're a place-lover at heart. You know that feeling when you sink into your favourite spot on the couch or walk through your neighbourhood and feel this deep sense of 'yes, this is where I belong'? That's topophilia in action.
You love the joy of familiarity - whether in your garden, your favourite local coffee shop, or the comfort of your kitchen. Your priorities include the community ties you've built, the local walking trails, and the sense of belonging that comes from truly being home.
Tropophilia
Tropophile: Movement and Change
You’re an adventurer. Your inner wanderer’s heart feels restless without a travel plan in the works but comes alive when the plane takes off. You crave new experiences, different perspectives, and the whole beautiful chaos of being somewhere completely unfamiliar.
You crave the excitement of planning a new trip, the thrill of stepping onto foreign soil, and the wonder of discovering a hidden gem in an unfamiliar city. Your priorities include experiences, stories, spontaneous moments, and the sense of aliveness that comes from exploring the unknown.
The Beautiful Co-existence: You Don't Have to Choose
So what if you feel both of these pulls? Here’s what surprised me: you don’t have to pick a side.
I used to feel weirdly guilty, like there was something wrong with me. I’d be deep into planning my next adventure while also obsessing over how to redecorate my bedroom or plan my garden. I always felt pulled in two directions, always unsettled. But it turns out these two loves can actually strengthen each other.
Think about it: don’t your travels make you appreciate your own morning coffee routine even more? And doesn’t having a cozy home base make your adventures feel more like intentional exploration rather than a way to escape?
For me, realizing that topophilia and tropophilia can co-exist has brought so much more satisfaction to my life.
Crafting Your Custom Blend for a Life Without Regrets
So, what does your ideal balance look like? There's no universal answer, and that's the beauty of it.
Are you primarily a topophile, preferring deep roots with occasional ventures out?
Are you a strong tropophile, constantly seeking new horizons?
Or are you, like many, a beautiful blend of both, embracing periods of exploration and periods of rootedness with equal enthusiasm?
For me, the anticipation of a future adventure (a true tropophilia fix) doesn’t diminish my love for home. In fact, it deepens it. Knowing I have a trip on the horizon helps me be more present and engaged in everyday life. With a date on the calendar, I’m free to fully enjoy the now.
I’m learning to recognize different types of travel shaming and release the societal expectations around travel. I understand that my love for home and my desire to explore are not contradictory; they are two sides of a coin, both contributing to what makes my life rich and authentic. Embrace your topophilia, nurture your tropophilia, and design a life that brings you genuine joy.
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